Hm...
time to blog! i guess im moving away from xanga...
thursday morning at 1Am i drove down to San Diego with my mom to go see my brother cause he joined the Marines. it never hit me till i actually was down there and saw him that i realize i really miss him! i love company and i wish i had a bigger family....it just feels so lonely... i was so overjoyed to see him again! and while we were walking to go eat, he tells me his drill instructor wants to date me cause he heard my voice the other day i was talking with my bro. oh hilarious....anyways the base down there really appealed to me. it made me almost feel like joining myself...i've considered it before in high school....theres just something about proving myself to be strong and independant.
but then if i were to go away to do something, i would actually rather much go to another YWAM school or something....travel away from the city...even the country....theres just something about San Francisco that keeps me binded, keeps me from God....keeps me from feeling, keeps me from having realizations...epiphony you may call it...
man i wanna start randomly blog daily again...its so useful...writing seems such a bad chore...
typing is of course the easiest...always..
im so blah!
i kinda wish i was closer with my bro...
i also realized...having older siblings are so much easier....i wish i had older siblings...
maybe im feeling like im tired of having a purpose..? which is really bad...i am called to have a purpose for the kingdom of God.... definitely...
and i shall not say that i am waiting till the day i get into heaven because i am already in heaven. it has already come. its everywhere....anywhere i acknowledge Jesus is my king, thats where heaven is.
i don't know i feel frustrated...i feel like wanting to give up....i feel i want wishful thinking...i want to daydream. i want to dream...i want to ....i want...
i feel a bit lost..i know i should be more productive...but i'm being incredibly lazy....
i sure am confooozled....
*sigh*
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