hm..

i want to post something but there's just too many thoughts going on right now, it's like ahhh..haha later then..

Image

the other day, Saturday really...after softball practice, was getting ready to go watch X-men Wolverine Orgins....
so I was getting ready, I washed the sweat off my face, and I went to my room and I took a look in the mirror and I couldn't take my eyes off, my thoughts were, was this really me? This is how I look like? I felt like I've never seen myself in the mirror and I'm in awe of this thing that can reflect my image and I started to stare and the longer I stared, the longer I felt a feeling that didn't come from me, a feeling that I only realized later that I was enjoying my image, I felt satisfied in my image and how God created me...every line, contour, color, shape of my face....

God was letting me borrow His eyes. And when He sees me, He delights in me, how I was formed, how I look like....
It was very serene and made me feel confident in my self image....

Have you looked in the mirror lately and scream with excitement that God looks so beautiful?
He DID make YOU in His image....why wouldn't you look like Him?

Burnt Out...or not..

So I was in San Diego for a bit this month and I was able to attend a Christian club called Intervarsity with Karen and one thing that stood out to me was this.
Christians are more known for what they oppose than who they are.
and it's so totally true!! especially with these propositions about gay marriages and stuff..yeah..

Something else that happened this week...
Yeah I am involved with a lot of activities...
school,
work,
family retreat worship and committee
VBS committee
praise night
sports

hm... but I've been feeling so blah lately and down...and I feel really antisocial, like I don't want to hang out with people..
and I've been thinking about it whether this is what it feels like to be burnt out...
but I think about it more...
and being burnt out is when you blame the church, blame other people, just plain BLAMING others for how you feel and for everything...

instead...I've been feeling that everyone else is blaming ME....for things....making me feel like such a failure...
so what's the opposite of burning out? burning in?
what?!
I'm confused...

on another note...I've been addicting to watching House again...fun things...=]
funny watching House makes me want to become a doctor more...and I feel like I've just totally missed my chance...cause I would have tried harder to ace classes and stuff...but things didn't work out. I have way too many hobbies for my own good....Too many hobbies lead me so lost in what I want as a concentrated major....
I think the major goal of why I want to pursue a Design and Media Arts major is because the media is going to always be a worldly thing, they present images that are not suitable for God's standard of living....like...they really concentrate on sexual images to catch peoples attention...I really wonder if I can change that...use more holy images to catch people's attention?...hm...
*ponders* that totally doesn't really make sense but meh, I still have time to sort things out...

Spring Random

bad college people....
went out on saturday night and stayed out late eating korean bbq and driving in circles(literally).
was so sleepy during church...T_T

alberto and heiman wanted to crash somewhere but ended up going to cherry blossom festival with me, and while heiman was driving, alberto and i saw a lady walking and trying to keep her dress down because the wind kept blowing so finally it just blew her dress up from behind and we saw her underwear and we laughed so much....

last spring break, i spent most of it cleaning my room and i'm not even finish! maybe cause i was boxing things up and reminiscing on some of those stuff....i shall post of pictures of em, haha yeah i took pictures of em...

man i miss blogging, i dont find the time....or the energy...i have too many thoughts, it feels overwhelming to put it all in sentences and stuff...

i'm pretty much sick of living where i am...my parents, this house, this area, this city, this country....
i started missing Peru a lot...and the missionary life...but i'm not quite so sure that's God's calling for me...why am i so lost? its actually frustrating....
alas...years and years of wanting to be a veterinarian.....now i'm beginning to think i can't do it, i'm just not good at math and formulas, i'm not disciplining myself well enough to go through all that vigorous classes and such. it totally sucks! i guess everyone is suppose to have a dream job they'll never be able to attain in life and mines will be a vet...but i really hope i can get a dog in the future...australian shepherd to be more specific....they look so gorgeous...
i guess for now i'll settle for something i already know i'm good at or enjoy tremendously..which is art, design, and such......
i'm so envious of certain people....why am i having so much people problem lately? i wish i was better at keeping in touch with people....

i don't quite feel alive...my sense feel a bit numb....like am i actually me? i'm really making choices for this soul, this life? i look at my mom and really see, this woman is my mom? i look over her features and i amaze myself, this woman is my mother....*ponders*
i feel like an alien new to this life, but i've been living this life for about 20 years....wow...20 years...where did all the years go by?

i feel so anxious for the future...i remember i was anxious when i was 16 too, now i'm anxious for when i get out of college and how my life will be like. i wish i didn't, i don't want to anticipate and miss the life i'm living now, the events happening now...yeah....
wow i really do miss blogging and talking to myself...but i need sleep...i hope i won't feel how i felt this morning, wanting to just keep sleeping, sleep the world away. sleep my life away...hm...

*SiGh*

I RemEmBer WeN I uSeTa TyPe LiKe ThiZ, iT toOk 4EvEr!

anyways....
last week or something i was watching House, and the main patient, he had something wrong with him by saying whatever is on his mind. he can't think before speaking. he just says everything on his mind. so of course he said inappropriate things, and i was just thinking about it and i am so glad that we don't always speak whatever's on our thoughts, we have choices to make even when thoughts come up without control. i think if i were to say everything that's on my mind, i would be the meanest, most bitter, judgemental, person ever! i don't even know where it comes from. scary. that's all, lazy to think more. how depressing...

so busy...

man! i'm so behind in school....
so much invovled with activities....

the other day i was talking to my very old old childhood friend and we talked till midnight and it was great! i realized i've ditched my other friends to be so involved with church and it's activities...its nice but still, the greater mission will be targeted those unsaved instead of already saved ones.

yeah im in a rush now....think later...can't be still....>_<

crazy! loco! mad!

ahhhh
so brain dead! doing math for hours!
so stupid...
so much to do!
so crazy! everything! everything!
ahhhh.....

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i need to scream.......

i need to be still...i need refreshment...i need youuuuuu