bad college people....
went out on saturday night and stayed out late eating korean bbq and driving in circles(literally).
was so sleepy during church...T_T
alberto and heiman wanted to crash somewhere but ended up going to cherry blossom festival with me, and while heiman was driving, alberto and i saw a lady walking and trying to keep her dress down because the wind kept blowing so finally it just blew her dress up from behind and we saw her underwear and we laughed so much....
last spring break, i spent most of it cleaning my room and i'm not even finish! maybe cause i was boxing things up and reminiscing on some of those stuff....i shall post of pictures of em, haha yeah i took pictures of em...
man i miss blogging, i dont find the time....or the energy...i have too many thoughts, it feels overwhelming to put it all in sentences and stuff...
i'm pretty much sick of living where i am...my parents, this house, this area, this city, this country....
i started missing Peru a lot...and the missionary life...but i'm not quite so sure that's God's calling for me...why am i so lost? its actually frustrating....
alas...years and years of wanting to be a veterinarian.....now i'm beginning to think i can't do it, i'm just not good at math and formulas, i'm not disciplining myself well enough to go through all that vigorous classes and such. it totally sucks! i guess everyone is suppose to have a dream job they'll never be able to attain in life and mines will be a vet...but i really hope i can get a dog in the future...australian shepherd to be more specific....they look so gorgeous...
i guess for now i'll settle for something i already know i'm good at or enjoy tremendously..which is art, design, and such......
i'm so envious of certain people....why am i having so much people problem lately? i wish i was better at keeping in touch with people....
i don't quite feel alive...my sense feel a bit numb....like am i actually me? i'm really making choices for this soul, this life? i look at my mom and really see, this woman is my mom? i look over her features and i amaze myself, this woman is my mother....*ponders*
i feel like an alien new to this life, but i've been living this life for about 20 years....wow...20 years...where did all the years go by?
i feel so anxious for the future...i remember i was anxious when i was 16 too, now i'm anxious for when i get out of college and how my life will be like. i wish i didn't, i don't want to anticipate and miss the life i'm living now, the events happening now...yeah....
wow i really do miss blogging and talking to myself...but i need sleep...i hope i won't feel how i felt this morning, wanting to just keep sleeping, sleep the world away. sleep my life away...hm...
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heya!
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot of interesting posts....they are a joy to read. For example the speaking without thinking first post. I too wonder what would happen to me if I had that condition. There are times where I would imagine myself yelling out random stuff especially when it is really quiet or whenever my teacher lectures.......it would be funny to see myself scream something unthinkable and to have all eyes on me as a result.
Anyways, you and I are not so different. In the second half of this post, I felt like I was reading my own thoughts. It is so funny because I feel like the "whole not being alive" thing countless times in my life. Life sometimes feel like an illusion and that I am not physically or spiritually here. Sometimes I would look at a mirror and see a reflection of someone that is matched incorrectly with my personality. It is like I wouldn't chose this body to pair up the "inside stuff" . It feels like my inner being can't possibly be matched up with that physical "shell", but then again I also can't think of an alternative "shell," if you know what I mean.
and the last paragraph about being sixteen and feeling really anxious....yeah, I can totally relate!....again I just found that funny. You are a funny person, Steph =D....I like funny people.
Oh yeah! now I have an insight of what college people really do with their life....and now I know!
hope that it was okay for me to comment on this post =P